On Campus

How to stand out in class

Get noticed in a sea of faces and make a name for yourself

The class sizes of many major universities are growing each year, and students have to learn to keep up. More and more do the individuals in the class fade into a crowd of 150-plus students within one lecture hall. Still, it’s important to differentiate yourself from the masses, or to be recognized. Here are some tips:

1. Swear in class
The use of impassioned profanity when answering a professor’s question is a sure-fire way to make fellow students love and respect you. It’ll make you sound intense and brooding – you’ll be the rebel without a cause if you drop the f-bomb nonchalantly in the middle of a chemistry class. You might alienate a few – professors included – but one can never put a value on the kind of following you’ll garner.

2. Wear an unbelievably irrational outfit
Can’t walk in heels? Strap them on and stumble your way into class like a drunk gazelle. Is it 40 degrees outside? May I suggest this giant parka that makes a rustling noise when you battle yourself out of it during class? Walk in late and you will be reassured that everyone’s eyes will be on you and your inexplicable attire.

3. Slather yourself in scented lotions, perfumes, colognes and hairspray
Beauty is important. It’s even more important than the ability of the person next to you to breath. Aim to bathe yourself in strong scents, like anything that really assaults the senses. Floral smells or something by Elizabeth Taylor will due. Extra notice will be take if you can get your hair to be so bouffant from hairspray and backcombing that the three rows behind you can’t see anything else.

4. Interrupt the professor every class with pseudo-intelligent and “witty” comments
No matter what they tell you, professors love this. Quite literally, they stand in the mirror every morning before class and say to themselves, “I really hope a self-righteous 20-year-old in an ironic Love Boat t-shirt makes a comment today that’s both a thinly veiled reference to the movie Half-Baked, as well as in no way helpful or interesting. I also hope they act smug and condescending for the remainder of the class.”

5. Complain as loudly as possible in class about how big of a waste of time the lecture is
Granted, we all have classes we think are useless, albeit mandatory or other wise inescapable, but there’s no better way to set you apart than to talk ad nauseum about how much you hate the class and everyone dumb enough to be in it. (Except yourself, of course.) Turn to the student next to you, roll your eyes in regard to the professor and sigh dramatically. When a break in the lecture comes up, bolt out of the classroom as if to say, Jesus Christ, you could not WAIT to get the hell out of there. At the end of every class, stand up and mutter as loudly as a mutter permits, “Well that was a massive waste of time.” Sure, everyone is allotted time and space to complain about their classes but you’re going to take it to a level that’s near-criminal.

These wanton, childish acts might not always get you friends but they will get you attention. And sure, you could spend this time trying to get through these classes to learn something, but who will remember you then?

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