I, for one, welcome our new wolf overlords

DNA evidence has confirmed that an animal shot in New Brunswick last month was a wolf, the first killed in that province since 1876. Meanwhile, experts believe an animal killed recently in Newfoundland was also a wolf, the first spotted there since the 1920s. The evidence here points to one of two conclusions. Either wolves are returning to the Maritimes after being hunted to near-extinction decades ago or wolves are taking over Canada, starting from the east and moving inexorably west, conquering a terrified populace one province at a time. It’s impossible for me to say which is true. I am not a scientist. But stay tuned here for more updates. (Hears howling in the background. Looks over shoulder. Flees.)