I'm a Pepper

There are two types of readers out there. People who don’t give a fig about Chuck Klosterman, and people who think that people who don’t read Chuck Klosterman are rubes. I hate the latter sort of people. “Seriously man, read Eating Count Chocula While Drunk on Heroin! It’s the best book dude, it’ll change your life,” etc. 

But he has reviewed Chinese Democracy, probably the only album I’ll seriously consider paying for since… heck, I don’t know what the last album I actually bought was. “Pink Sticky Lies,” maybe. So I read the review, the first thing of Chuck Klosterman’s I’ve read. 

Here’s a typical passage from the review:

This is a little like when that grizzly bear finally ate Timothy Treadwell: Intellectually, he always knew it was coming. He had to. His very existence was built around that conclusion. But you still can’t psychologically prepare for the bear who eats you alive, particularly if the bear wears cornrows.

Here’s another typical passage:

 His ambition is noble, yet wildly unrealistic. It’s like if Jeff Lynne tried to make Out Of The Blue sound more like Fun House, except with jazz drumming and a girl singer from Motown.

The whole review is like this. Is all of Chuck Klosterman’s writing like this? It reminds me of a more profane Dennis Miller, when Dennis Miller did Weekend Update on SNL and he’d spend the whole time dropping obscure references to 1970s post-beat wannabes and then chuckling smugly to himself. Note: Dennis Miller and Chuck Klosterman think beards are cool.

Anyway, this isn’t writing, it’s literary Boggle. He gives the album an A-. I might buy it regardless.

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