Chuck Norris jokes rewritten with Mark Carney’s name

Mark Carney counted to infinity—twice

Canada’s central bank late Tuesday denied a report that its governor, Mark Carney, had been approached to become head of the Bank of England. — Wall Street Journal 

Mark Carney’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Mark Carney counted to infinity – twice.

Mark Carney does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Mark Carney goes killing.

If you can see Mark Carney, he can see you. If you can’t see Mark Carney you may be only seconds away from death.

Mark Carney sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Mark Carney roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Mark Carney.

Mark Carney built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Mark Carney met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Mark Carney has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Mark Carney toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take sh*t from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Mark Carney’s shoe. Mark Carney replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Mark Carney!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Mark Carney.

(Source for Chuck Norris jokes: The Chuck Norris Facts)