The bad poetry of Donald Trump, Vol. 6
Aside from the titles, these are the words of Donald Trump—taken directly from the transcripts of recent public events and speeches.
The Upside of Drought (A Heartfelt Message to the People of North Dakota)
I want to take a moment
to send our thoughts and prayers
to the people of Texas and Louisiana
who have truly suffered through
a catastrophic hurricane.
And I know you have a little bit of a drought
They had the opposite.
Believe me
You’re better off
You are better off.
They had the absolute opposite.
That Said, I Will Now Eradicate Drought Forever WITH MY WORDS
We’re doing everything we can
But you have a pretty serious drought.
I just said to the governor,
“I didn’t know you had droughts this far north.”
Guess what?
You have them.
But we’re working hard on it
and it’ll disappear.
It will all go away.
Where is Senator?
Senator Hoeven.
Where is Senator?
Senator:
Stand up, Senator.
Doing a fantastic job.
Come on up, Senator.
Come on up here.
Get up here.
Fantastic job.
Thank you, Senator.
Warning: Once You Read These Words, You Can’t Unread Them
By the way: Ivanka Trump
Everybody loves Ivanka.
Come up, honey.
Should I bring Ivanka up?
Come up.
Sometimes they’ll say:
“You know, he can’t be that bad a guy. Look at Ivanka.”
Now, come on up, honey.
She’s so good.
She wanted to make the trip.
She said: “Dad, can I go with you?”
She actually said: “Daddy, can I go with you?”
I like that, right?
“Daddy, can I go with you?”
I said: “Yes, you can.”
“Where you going?”
North Dakota.
Said: “Oh, I like North Dakota.”
Hi, honey.
Say something, baby.
Worst Children’s Book Ever
Sheriff Joe is a patriot.
Sheriff Joe loves our country.
Sheriff Joe protected our borders.
This Sounds Like When I Did a Book Report Without Having Read the Book
I think Finland
is really a respected country militarily.
It’s got large armed forces for its size as a country.
Really
proportionally
probably one of the biggest in the world if you think of it.
They’re very respected militarily
and they’re respected beyond militarily.
The Last Part is True
I’m keeping my promises
to the American people.
I do what’s right.
That’s all.
I just do what’s right.
I don’t think about it.
Please Do Not Look at the Tags on My Trump-Brand Neckties
So do you remember
when we were growing up
it was either
“Made in America” or “Made in the USA?”
What do you like better?
Ready?
“Made in America.”
“Made in the USA.”
What do you like?
You like “Made in the USA?”
Seems to be.
We should pick one or the other, probably.
I think “Made in the USA,” right?
“Made in the USA.”
Killer Anecdote, Mr. President
I said to Senator Blunt
And I said to Billy Long
on the plane coming in:
“Can I say ‘Missouri’ or should I say ‘Missouruh?’”
And they said whatever you want is okay.
So I said: “Good.”
Harvey
Probably there’s never been anything so expensive
in our country’s history.
There’s never been anything
so historic
in terms of damage and in terms of ferocity
as what we’ve witnessed with Harvey.
Sounds like such an innocent name, right?
But it’s not.
It’s not innocent.
It’s not innocent.
Hello, is this Brazil? Hello, Brazil. Brazil, How Many People Do You Have?
You know, a lot of people say
they say
well
The United States is large.
And then you call places like Malaysia
Indonesia
and you say, you know:
“How many people do you have?”
And it’s pretty amazing
how many people they have.
Diplo-moo-cy
When I was with President Xi
who I have a very good relationship with
I said:
“Do me a favor. Would you allow cattle, please, to come in?”
I had farmers coming up to me
and hugging me and kissing me
Because of the cattle stuff.
Look at Jared
Look at Jared.
Jared’s a very private person.
He doesn’t get out.
Jared’s this really nice, smart guy
who’d love to see peace
in the Middle East and in Israel
Okay?