Harper now less partisan. Also: pigs now more airborne.

Another edition of The Globe and Mail, another anonymous-for-some-reason source shaping the news agenda. This one is identified not merely as a “long-time” Tory or as a “senior” Tory but as a “long-time senior Tory” – though I’m not sure if that means this person is a) someone who’s been a senior Tory for a long time, b) a long-time Tory who’s now senior, or c) a person who’s been very old for a very long time and also a Tory. Come on, Globe and Mail – the least you can do is be more specific about the people you’re being completely vague about.

Anyhoo, the gist of the story is that Stephen Harper has appointed a new director of policy who “represents a less-partisan attitude” – though in the context of Stephen Harper’s government, this could just mean that he gleefully refers to opposition members as Taliban-loving, God-hating cannibals but – and here’s the “less-partisan” part – refrains from kneeing them in the nuts.

But no. Apparently, the appointment of Paul Wilson as policy chief is being seen by “party members and political experts” as a sign that Harper and company truly and totally recognize, and this time they really and honestly mean it, that their “hard line partisanship tactics have rebounded.”

Which raises a question: how do you get certified as a political expert? Is there a quiz? Like an airline pilot, do you have to go into a political simulator and verbally emasculate Jack Layton or keep the gays down? Or do you merely have to pick up the phone and have 10 minutes to spare when the guy from the newspaper calls?

But back to the story. So the Conservatives are less partisan now? Really? I must have missed the news that Stephen Harper underwent a transplant to replace every fibre of his being.

Still, I look forward to the bold new post-partisan dawn in which the Prime Minister purposely tanks the Parliamentary bake-off to cede the spotlight to Bob Rae’s lemon squares. Harper’s not playing chess anymore, Canada. He’s playing house. And he wants Michael Ignatieff to be the mommy.

(And yes, Gilles Duceppe, that candy heart on your Commons desk does indeed say, “I Wuv U.”)

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