liveblogging my attempt to blog this morning

10:26 Okey doke, let’s see what’s happening in the world of celebrity this morning! Hmm – seems Jessica Simpson is designing a new line of lingerie. Lingerie – that’s a pretty fancy word for Tony Romo’s jockstrap. Haaaaaaaa! Hahahahaha!

Sigh. No, I guess not.

10:33 Maybe I should blog about how incredibly funny Kung Fu Panda is, and how much my kids and I enjoyed it. I could write about, uhh, how incredibly funny it is. And how much my kids and I enjoyed it. Writes itself, really. Apparently, wrote itself.

10:38 Wait, here’s one. Usmagazine.com has the riveting tale of how, in honour of Hugh Hefner’s 82nd birthday in April, a cake was presented to the Playboy founder by a completely naked Pamela Anderson. Potential ways to go with this: Cake was chocolate with herpes frosting? Hef eyed 40-year-old Pamela disinterestedly and asked if she came with a gift receipt? Make creaky Viagra joke in hopes that it’s the one billionth Hugh Hefner Viagra joke ever and then balloons and confetti will fall and maybe I’ll win a car or something?

10:40 Tori Spelling had a baby. That’s a potential topic for— Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

10:43 Here’s something I wonder about: Does Bayshore mall have a Cinnabons? Because, man, I could really go for a cinnabon – but I’m not sure there’s a Cinnabons there.

10:45 Turns out the chain is actually called Cinnabon, not Cinnabons. Thanks, Mr. Internet!

10:48-10:51 Staring out window at birds or whatever.

10:52 Them squirrels ain’t going to chase themselves out of my backyard. [Sound of doorslamming, followed by panicky squealing sounds. The squirrels also make noises.]

10:54 Oh, Rush Limbaugh. Will you ever win?

10:56 Hey, I know! Has anything in the history of everything ever looked less funny than the new Mike Myers movie, The Love Guru? The answer is yes. Trigonometry. Right off the bat, people just knew there was just going to be nothing funny about trigonometry. Also: slavery and the film adaptation of The Cat in the Hat. I’ve seen the Love Guru trailer in theatres about eight times now and each time the reaction is the same: crickets. I don’t mean the comic reference used to denote an audience’s silence – I mean an actual plague of crickets sent forth by God Himself to devour mankind and save it from exposure to 238 Verne-Troyer-is-still-short-wocka-wocka “jokes.” Thanks, God. We owe you, Dude.

Hey, this is a good topic. I should blog about this. I should blog about Mike Myers and how he –

11:00 Oooh, time for The Price is Right.

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