NFL Picks: Wild Card Weekend

Scott Feschuk Last week 7-9 Season 126-124-6

Scott Reid Last week 9-7 Season 128-122-6

Feschuk: Scott Reid prevailed last week and triumphed in the season-long battle for borderline mediocrity. And there was much rejoicing:










New York Jets (plus 2.5) at Cincinnati, Saturday, 4:30 p.m. ET

Reid: If the 2009 season was any indication, Chad Ochocinco has a better chance of finding panties on Paris Hilton than a clean catch around Darrelle Revis. The Jets CB puts the Shhhh in shutdown (that’s called coining a catchphrase!). Everyone’s wondering how Sanchez will face up to the pressure of his first playoff game. Not me. I wonder how the Bengals D will respond to being forced to eat their own unmentionables only a week ago. I’m going to say poorly. Pick: New York.

Feschuk: I follow Ochocinco on Twitter, and should Bengals fans be worried that he spent Thursday afternoon trying to figure out how to transfer photos from his cell phone to his computer? Come on, Chad: You’re supposed to be getting ready to audition as a Super Bowl contender, not a member of Geek Squad. I honestly don’t see how Cinci can win this one. They’ve got an average QB throwing to a single good receiver (who happens to be covered by a great DB). And they’re facing the top defence in the league. Trying to get past the Jets’ D-line with the ball will be like trying to get past Oprah with a glazed ham. Pick: New York.

Philadelphia (plus 4) at Dallas, Saturday, 8 p.m.

Feschuk: The last time the Dallas Cowboys won a playoff game, Bill Clinton was still President, Michael Jordan was still playing basketball and Jerry Jones still had some of the original face that God gave him. Meanwhile, the last time that Wade Phillips won a playoff game as head coach, I was making sweet, sweet love to Cheryl Ladd – ie. neither of those things has ever happened (so far as Cheryl’s husband knows <wink>). Wade is 0-4 in the post-season (coincidentally, Andy Reid has the same record with diets). But these streaks of futility have to end at some point, right? This is America’s Team! The team of Roger Staubach and Tony Dorsett, of Troy Aikman and Emmitt Smith, of Quincy Carter and Troy Hambrick (just keep nodding). I will give up the four points BUT I WILL NEVER GIVE UP MY FAITH IN THE ENDURING POWER OF THE AMERICAN DREAM!!!! Also, Donovan McNabb pukes when he gets stressed out in big games. Pick: Dallas.

Reid: I always enjoyed Jerry Jones’ original face.

Look, if you want to be honest, I think Dallas will win this game. But I’ve always found honesty gets in the way of the things I want. So to hell with it: I’m betting on the Eagles. Sure, the Cowboys have been firing on all pistons recently. And yes, Tony Romo seems to have lifted his December curse. But I refuse to give up hope that Wade Phillips will pull a Buckner and blow this chance to reverse sports history. And of all the Week 17 repeats, I think this one has the greatest chance of being a very different game. (BTW, if I were going to have imaginary hoo-haw with an Angel, Shelley Hack would be waking up next to the smell of red licorice and satisfaction). Pick: Philadelphia.

Baltimore (plus 3.5) at New England, Sunday, 1 p.m.

Feschuk: Sometimes it’s hard to recognize when a good run is beginning to wind down. DeNiro did a Godfather movie, Mean Streets and Raging Bull – and then suddenly he’s turning up in Mad Dog and Glory and The Fan. I did not see that coming. New England hasn’t quite declined into Everybody’s Fine territory yet, but this season has definitely had an Analyze That vibe to it. Tom Brady has never lost at home in the playoffs, but he’s also never played a home playoff game with three broken ribs, his best receiver awaiting knee surgery and his supermodel girlfriend giving me a backrub (scheduled but not confirmed). Will Sunday’s game be Goodfellas or Good Shepherd for New England? Pick: Baltimore.

Reid: I believe in three things deeply: Frying my meat. Avoiding my phone. And Tom Brady’s ability to win in the playoffs in Foxboro. Baltimore should have the advantage in this game. But Gisele should know better than to believe a word from a fox-like seducer of women like yourself. Sure, Welker is out. But that won’t stop Brady from passing 50+ times and I’m betting that Kevin Faulk will be a busy boy in the first half catching the ball out of the backfield. Then just when Baltimore moves to take that away – watch Randy go. He will burn their secondary with at least three long balls and two TDs. I feel oddly confident about this game. Similar to the way I felt before The Matrix Revolutions. Sometimes I can just smell a winner. Pick: New England.

Green Bay (plus 1.5) at Arizona, Sunday, 4:40 p.m.

Reid: I’ll shock you by avoiding my usual in-depth breakdown and sophisticated logarithmic analysis. It comes down to this: If Green Bay loses this game, I’ll put anything you say on my face for at least 10 seconds. Pick: Green Bay.

Feschuk: Wait a minute – anything? Lipstick? A scorpion? Rosie O’Donnell? Buddy, that’s writing a cheque that no face can cash. Sure, the Packers look to be for real and they’re undeniably the trendy pick, but how can you so confidently write off the 2000-year-old man, Kurt Warner? Kurt alone can carry this Arizona team on his back – although later we’ll all have to tolerate listening to him complain about how sore it made his bunions. Pick: Arizona.

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