Small Balls: Monday June 2, 2008

La première étoile: Terrell Owens. No sooner has the all-star receiver sicked his lawyer on porn producers Bang Bros for showing his leering mug in a promo for “Spring Break Ass,” than a photo surfaces showing Tee Oh surveying a bit of Grade-A buttock in a Hamptons night club. Guess that was an accident too, eh Terrell? Maybe he’ll sue the bouncers for not kicking him out.

Two minutes for … pandering. To the New England Patriots, who have named a high schooler, Rebecca Lucas, to their cheerleading squad. So that’s the secret to the Pats’ success: scout ‘em out and get ‘em while they’re young…

Who’s got tickets? Stanley Cup Finals, Game Five in Detroit. Yeah, the Wings are Team Automaton, but this is the ultimate test for Sid the Kid. Back against the wall, yadda, yadda. And any night Stanley’s mug (which is much prettier than Terrell’s, and has also been photographed next to naked female flesh) might make an appearance is a good night in hockey. Note to Lidstrom: try not to break the goddam thing.

Fun police: Maybe the NBA championship showdown is a clash of titans, conference winner versus conference winner and all that. But does anyone else grimace at the prospect of that creep Kobe winning again? And hugging his brainwashed wife? Blech.

Extra bases: The Post’s Mark Spector counts the ways the Pens-Wings final has bored us to tears… Mike Boone from the Montreal Gazoo on how Habs fans will get all lathery about the possibility that Sundin signing with les Glorieux, only to see him sign with the Detroit Autobots…Say what? Mike Vanderjagt is still playing football? …Say what? Noel Prefontaine is still playing football?

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