Most parents opt for baby names that won’t get their kids teased off the playground, which explains why Ava tops the girls’ list in Canada, while Ethan is No. 1 for boys, according to Today’s Parent. Alas, celebs saddle their offspring with the kind of monikers—Reign Beau or Tu, who has the last name Morrow—that invite no end of mirth and torment.
THE ANCIENTS
Atlas: Anne Heche & James Tupper
Hermès: Actor Kelly Rutherford & Daniel Giersch
Gaia: Emma Thompson & Greg Wise
Homer: Anne Heche & James Tupper
Moses: Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin
Ptolemy: Gretchen Mol & Tod Williams
Sophocles: Actor Jemaine Clement & Miranda Manasiadis
OTHER CELEBS
Dezi: Actor Jaime Pressly & Eric Calvo
Jagger: Soleil Moon Frye & Jason Goldberg
Kal-el: Nicolas Cage & Alice Kim
Tennyson: Russell Crowe & Danielle Spencer
Harlow: Nicole Richie & Joel Madden
ROYALTY
God’Iss Love: Singer Lil’ Mo & Al Stone
Jermajesty: Jermaine Jackson & Alejandra Oaziaza
Marquise: 50 Cent & Shaniqua Tompkins
Prince Michael II: Michael Jackson & surrogate mom
NATURE
Bluebell Madonna: Geri Halliwell
Daisy Boo: Jamie & Jools Oliver
Daisy True: Meg Ryan
Nakoa-Wolf: Lisa Bonet & Jason Momoa
Petal Blossom Rainbow: Jamie & Jools Oliver
Poppy Honey: Jamie & Jools Oliver
Puma: Erykah Badu & The D.O.C.
River: Actor Keri Russell & Shane Deary
GEOGRAPHY
Alabama: Drummer Travis Barker & Shanna Moakler
Bronx Mowgli: Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz
Heaven: Actor Brooke Burke & David Charvet
Java: Actor Josh & Yessica Holloway
Kingston: Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale
Mars: Singer Erykah Badu & Jay Electronica
Shiloh: Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt
Sierra Sky: Brooke Burke & Garth Fisher
ASSORTED OBJECTS
Banjo: Actor Rachel Griffiths & Andrew Taylor
Denim and Diesel: Singer Toni Braxton & Keri Lewis
Loden: Actor Peter & Kelly Reckell
Peanut: Actor Ingo Rademacher & Ehiku
JOBS
Deacon: Reese Witherspoon & Ryan Phillippe
Moxie CrimeFighter: Magician Penn Jillette & Emily Zolten
Poet: Actor Soleil Moon Frye & Jason Goldberg
Pilot Inspektor: Actor Jason Lee & Beth Riesgraf
Ryder: Kate Hudson & Chris Robinson