The Bad Poetry of Donald Trump, Vol. 4

Scott Feschuk unleashes Donald Trump’s inner slam poet. Witness a world leader’s actual words, reimagined for an open mic night near you.

U.S. President Donald Trump points to the audience at the conclusion of the United States Coast Guard Academy Commencement Ceremony in New London, Connecticut U.S., May 17, 2017. (Kevin Lamarque/Reuters)

U.S. President Donald Trump points to the audience at the conclusion of the United States Coast Guard Academy Commencement Ceremony in New London, Connecticut U.S., May 17, 2017. (Kevin Lamarque/Reuters)

Aside from the titles, these are the words of Donald Trump—taken directly from the transcripts of recent public events and speeches. You can read the last volumes here.

Mixed Message

We have to get back to working

So that we can take care of the problems that we have


We have plenty of problems

We’ve done a fantastic job


Clearing Things Up



Let me tell you


As far as I’m concerned

I want that thing to be absolutely done properly


When I did this now I said:

I, probably, maybe, will confuse people


Maybe I’ll expand that

you know, lengthen the time

Because it should be over with

In my opinion


Should have been over with a long time ago


My Dinner with Comey

I had a dinner with him

He wanted to have dinner

We had a very nice dinner

at the White House


A dinner was arranged

I think he asked for the dinner


Badly hurt badly really badly

When the trucking industry comes to me

and says:

that the highways are so bad

that their trucks are being destroyed


badly hurt


really badly hurt

damaged from New York to California


This guy, he said:

“I get, I go from New York to California and we got

Our tires are all beat up and”

because, you know

they’re running over potholes

they’re running over gravel

they’re running over bad roads


And the stuff goes

and splatters all over the

you know

the bottom of the trucks and

they’re all beat to hell


He’s 40 years he’s been in business


Why Are You Telling Me These Many Facts That I Already Know?

The President of Colombia was telling me

and I knew

that Venezuela was a very, very wealthy country

just about the wealthiest in your neck of the woods

and had tremendous strengths in so many different ways

and now it’s poverty stricken


Mr. Mexico on Line One, Sir

I was getting ready

to terminate NAFTA


I got a call from Mexico

And he said: “I would appreciate you not doing that”


I got a call


Within 20 minutes

From Justin

from Canada


I like them both a lot

And they said:

“Could we negotiate instead of you terminating?”


I said: “Yes”


I was going to terminate on Saturday

I had the papers

Is it true?


The papers were ready


Likewise, Jared

The one thing

and I think you see it:

We have a lot of people that really do get along



We have a lot of people


Jared is a very brilliant young guy

Bannon has


you know


I like him a lot


He’s actually a very good guy

He’s really

you know

they give him a


a bad rap


Bannon is a very decent guy

who feels very strongly

about the country


Likewise, Jared



Similar to Three Months and a Bit

Here you have two people calling saying:

“Can we negotiate?”


I say yes

And I have to wait for a hundred days


I don’t know what a hundred days is going to be like

What’s it going to be like?


America and China, Sitting in a Tree

I’m dealing with a man

I think I like him a lot

I think he likes me a lot


When I’m with him

He’s a great guy


We were supposed to meet for ten minutes

And the ten minutes turned out to be

three hours



the two of us


That ten-minute meeting turned out to be three hours

Dinner turned out to be three hours


I mean

He’s a great guy


The Time Limit

Somebody set a time limit

and that was the mistake


I said: Never set a time limit

But somebody set a time limit


So when they didn’t meet that time limit

They said, “We didn’t get it there”


Well, they shouldn’t have set a time limit


The Rose Garden

We need infrastructure in our country


This country has wasted

Six trillion dollars

in the Middle East




Like taking it

and throwing it right out that window

Right in to the Rose Garden


See that beautiful Rose Garden?

Look at those very nicely dressed people


If I Can Name One Half of Two Different World Leaders, That Means I Can Name One World Leader

I’m trying to figure out:

Who’s in that helicopter

that is coming in?


It may be Prime Minister Abe

It may be Justin from Canada


Great people


Got It

He just got this information

This was new information

That was just got


The “Newspaper” was the National Enquirer

Well that was in a newspaper

No, no

I like Ted Cruz

He’s a friend of mine


But that was in the newspaper

I was referring to a newspaper

Why do you say that I have to apologize?

I’m just quoting the newspaper



I’m not


I think

I’m not saying, I’m quoting


I’m quoting highly respected people and sources


Forget What I Want. Let’s Do What I Want.

We need to cut taxes

We’re going to cut taxes


Forget what I want

It will be the biggest tax cut in the history of our nation


And that’s what I want


His Second Inheritance

I inherited a mess

I inherited a mess in so many ways


I inherited a mess in the Middle East

And a mess with North Korea

I inherited a mess with jobs

And I inherited a mess on trade


I mean we have many

You can go up and down the ladder


Hey look

In the meantime

I guess I can’t be doing

So badly


Because I’m president

and you’re not

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