Just Like Rocky, Her Exploits Are 100% Fictional

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton said yesterday that she has something in common with legendary film boxer Rocky Balboa – she’s not a quitter. Other things Hillary has in common with Rocky:

• She begins each and every day by repeatedly punching the frozen carcass of Dennis Kucinich.

• Has been steadily wearing out welcome among American public since 1976.

• Those huge manly biceps.

• Once spent 45 minutes locked in a sweaty embrace with Mr. T, if you catch my drift.

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• Every time she’s introduced, insists on removing silk robe to reveal shirtlessness.

• His nickname: The Italian Stallion. Her nickname: The Whatever Heritage Will Make You More Likely to Vote for Me/Whatever Animal You Like Most. (ex. When speaking to little girls, she’s The Irish Pony!)

• Uncanny resemblance between James Carville and Burgess Meredith.

• She’s engaged in bitter rivalry with a charismatic black man who will ultimately be punched to death by Dolph Lundgren – assuming Dolph returns her calls and needs the money.

• Not only triumphantly climbed steps of Philadelphia Museum of Art, but did so under sniper fire.

• Just like Rocky, she will overcome adversity, rise to the challenge and... lose to her superior African-American rival. (Hmm, maybe she should have watched to the end of the DVD before making this comparison...)