According to news reports, the “escort agency” that supplied New York Governor Eliot Spitzer with a petite brunette named Kristen – and a place in the Sex Scandal Hall of Infamy right next to the eternally tapping toe of Larry Craig – rates its hookers on a scale from three diamonds, for which the fee is $1,000 per hour, to seven diamonds, for which the fee is $3,100 per hour.
How do they compare?
Seven-Diamond Whore Three-Diamond Whore
Horse enthusiast Horse faced
Glossy, flaxen hair Wig secured by Velcro
Heart of gold Cirrhosis of liver
Voice like an angel Voice like guy who ran
Charlie’s Angels – Bosley
Arrives attired in Needs help removing
pricey lingerie snow pants
Willing to dress up Refuses to take off
as nurse, schoolgirl clown costume
Foreplay includes Lets you watch as
massage, striptease she removes false teeth
Convincingly feigns Keeps asking if you’ll
sexual climax be finishing that
room service sandwich
