stéphane dion: real man of manliness

Today, the Liberals will unveil a new website profile of Stéphane Dion, entitled This is Dion. According to the Globe, it will portray the Liberal leader “as an outdoorsy, passionate, family- and dog-loving man” and will attempt to counter Conservative efforts to describe him as “less manly, less decisive and more aloof” than Stephen Harper.

What specifically will we learn about the Liberal leader in This is Dion?

  • Finished respectable third in recent season of American Gladiators.
  • Can belch alphabet in both official languages (first Canadian public figure to do so since Adrienne Clarkson).
  • It was Dion – and Dion alone – who boldly decided to post No Fat Chicks sign on door of Liberal election bus.
  • Has recently bulked up to an intimidating 143 pounds.
  • Similar to alpha male Jay-Z in that he’s got 99 problems and a comprehensive plan to address each in the context of changing demographics and an increasingly competitive global marketplace.
  • Like any self-respecting man’s man, frequently uses expression “by the short and curlies.”
  • Equipped with only a compass and his own wits, he can track, locate and bore to tears a herd of caribou.
  • English is so sketchy because he’s constantly hammered on Coors Light.
  • Toiled for hours to ensure election launch speech would sync up perfectly with Cum on Feel the Noize.
  • So committed to new climate-change plan that he left dog Kyoto by side of highway and bought parrot “Green Shift” on way home.
  • On personal front, unrelated to Celine Dion except in sense of being disliked by three-quarters of Canadians.

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