Take that, Twitter (I mean, Tk tht Twttr)

April 3, 2009

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I registered on Twitter a while back, and even wrote a couple tweets, but like many people I’ve found it difficult to adapt to the site’s limit of 140 characters per entry. Simply put, that’s way too many characters.

Just like the hip kids today, I harbor a pathological urge to use the chrome-shiny faddishness of social messaging to inform others of my every thought, observation and activity – even when such musings, were they to be uttered verbally, would prompt everyone within a 20-foot radius to contract an acute case of who-the-f%!#-caresosis.

But typing 22 to 24 words? Dude, who’s got the time?

That’s why I’m introducing my new messaging utility, Bwh.

Bwh allows you to keep in touch with friends, update colleagues and perpetuate the illusion that your daily tedium has subtle undertones of meaning. But it does so while keeping postings to a more reasonable number of characters: nine.

Thousands of Canadian troops on standby to be deployed to Ukraine if necessary

Politics Insider for Feb. 25: Canada poises to deploy to Europe if needed; Chrystia Freeland announces more sanctions on Russia; Patrick Brown reportedly eyes the federal Conservative leadership

Joël Lightbound’s push against the Liberal status quo has caused quite a stir

Politics Insider for Feb. 9: Truckers continue to dominate the news; some provinces start to open up; Poilievre pulls ahead in the Conservative leadership race

Also, no vowels.

Did you totally sleep in? Let the world know you totally slept in. Just log on to Bwh and type: “Ttl slptn” Future generations will cherish your insight into the human condition.

Did you come across something really boring on the Internet? Warn everyone with Bwh: “www=zzzzz”

Did seeing a dog in a pet store window make you sad? Don’t keep that kind of emotional gold to yourself. Bwh it! “dg = frwn”

Bwh is the future of social messaging, web-savvy interactions and desperate cries for attention. Start Bwhing now before starting to Bwh makes you seem helplessly trendy.

Scott Feschuk

Scott Feschuk is a columnist for Maclean’s and Sportsnet magazines. He writes speeches for business leaders and politicians of varied political stripes. A three-time winner of the Gold award for Humour at the National Magazine Awards, he is the author most recently of The Future and Why We Should Avoid It (Douglas & McIntyre).