Theme Song Thoughts

This is the most pointless imaginable opening to a post, but after watching an episode from Shout! Factory’s upcoming release of The Patty Duke Show, Season 2, I was asked how the show — and therefore the theme song — could be updated if the show were remade as an hour-long drama for CBS, Fox or USA. What I came up with was this:

Meet Cathy, who’s nice, with hippie hair,
She thinks we ought to love and care,
But Patty’s always having fights
And has the villains in her sights —
What a crazy pair!
But they’re cousins,
Identical cousins, fighting crime.
Cathy has done forensics,
Patty has done some time.

Where Cathy wears T-shirts that get wet
And has a cute, eccentric pet,
Our Patty likes to use her fists
On all the nasty terrorists —
What a wild duet!
But they’re cousins,
Identical cousins in their prime!
They jump alike, they run alike,
They even fire a gun alike,
Life is so sublime
When cousins unite against crime!

Unfortunately, selling this remake idea means convincing a network to allow a full minute for a theme song, and you know that’s not going to happen.

Speaking of theme songs, we just lost John Dankworth, the English jazz musician who composed a number of memorable theme songs, including the first theme for The Avengers. The BBC has a piece on this side of his career and what makes a memorable theme tune, a piece that’s worth reading because it discusses theme songs from a British perspective (most people, including me, focus on U.S. themes). And here’s his Avengers theme:


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