those other, non-pregnant kids of sarah palin are selfish brats

“There are a lot of reporters out there who are drenched,” Wolf Blitzer was saying early last evening.

No, Dick Cheney hadn’t ordered media accredited to the Republican National Convention to be waterboarded. (That’s something you save for prime time.) Instead, Wolf was talking about the intrepid souls who had put themselves in harm’s – and inadvertent comedy’s – way to be blown about by Hurricane Gustav for our viewing pleasure. Good work, everyone. I see none of you missed the all-important How to Hold Onto That Lamppost lecture in journalism school. So to recap today’s top story: hurricanes are windy!

Meanwhile, Republicans were being buffeted by news that Sarah Palin’s oldest daughter, Bristol, is five months pregnant by her high school boyfriend, whom she intends to marry.

The Republicans reportedly made the pregnancy public now to rebut rumours on the Internet that their vice-presidential nominee had faked her own pregnancy to cover for her knocked-up child. You know things are bad when revealing that your evangelical, socially conservative VP nominee’s daughter is about to become a teenage mother qualifies as “the bright side.”

It’s the kind of curve-ball revelation that could flummox even a seasoned political pro. Don’t believe me? Check out the complete and unabridged transcript of Steve Schmidt, a senior McCain campaign advisor, as heard on CNN addressing the question of whether McCain knew about the pregnancy before he selected Palin:

“Senator McCain knew that it probably, eventually, you know, would become public as the governor… governor… Governor Palin, um, you know, obviously people would know – because she’s going to have a baby – that she was pregnant.”

Obviously people would know – because she’s going to have a baby – that she was pregnant. The best part is that his voice kind of rises at the end, as though he’s unsure whether he’s got the logic chain completely right. Steve, buddy, it’s like the old schoolyard rhyme goes: First comes abstinence education, then comes shotgun marriage…

For the record, I also enjoyed the part about it “probably, eventually” becoming public. Steve’s right. As time passed, there’d just be more and more clues like the weight gain and the entirely new human.

Over at her great blog, our Luiza Ch. Savage is predicting the pregnancy will ultimately help McCain’s chances at becoming president. Really? Personally, I’d think twice about supporting a ticket that included a woman so bent on career advancement that she’d accept the VP nomination in full knowledge of the fact that it would thrust her teenage daughter onto the global stage to enjoy a third trimester of being gawked at by the free world, written about by idiot-ass bloggers like me and caressed repeatedly on the belly and called Rosemary by Dick Cheney.

But what do I know. If Sarah Palin’s baby having Down helps because it gives Palin big-time social-conservative cred, and if Bristol being pregnant helps because McCain looks “so cool” for picking Palin despite the unwed, with-child daughter, then that really puts some serious pressure on Palin’s other three kids to start doing their part to “contribute” to the campaign. Track, Piper, Willow – draw lots, choose one of the following and get to work, dammit:

  • Meth addiction
  • Sex tape
  • Persistent vegetative state

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