Shortage of life-saving medical isotopes
Sexy. – Lisa Raitt
Fatal spread of listeriosis
Hilarious. – Gerry Ritz
Effects of climate change
Apparently also hilarious. – Whoever created government plan to “combat” them
Toronto
%!#*@ – John Baird
Aboriginals
Lazy. – Pierre Poilievre
Gays
Dirty fingernailed. – Tom Lukiwski
Recession
Impossible, then retroactively inevitable, then – Look! Over there! Is that a shiny new dime on the floor?! [Sounds of footsteps racing off into distance, followed by slamming of car door, roar of engine and squeal of tires.] –Stephen Harper
Pledges to expand child care, reduce wait times, etc.
<Looking down, trying to avoid eye contact, pretending to talk on cell phone…>
Deficit
Definitely, positively not ever going to happen on our wat— uh oh, now it’s the biggest one ever. – Jim Flaherty
Frosted Lucky Charms
Magically delicious. – Jim Flaherty
MPs crossing the floor
A vile outrage until changing one’s view is useful for political expediency. – Stephen Harper
Staying the course in Afghanistan until the job is done
A moral imperative until changing one’s view is useful for political expediency. – Stephen Harper
Laws
Important to obey and aggressively enforce at all times, except the election ones.
Scientific validity of evolution
Need a couple days to feel sufficient pressure to unconvincingly express “belief” in it. – Gary Goodyear
Kitty-cats
Adorable – Everyone