Ann Romney: First Lady or trembling virgin?

The Republican National Convention is an opportunity for the GOP to close the gender gap, and convince women it cares more about restoring the economy than controlling their vaginas. Too bad it has already failed. Miserably. Not only because of its recent platform pledge to ban abortions, but because the party’s new matriarch—Ann Romney—gave a speech so old fashioned my grandmother would have gagged. To sum it up, Mitt is master of the universe. Ann would be dead without him. And her fragile teenaged body is a metaphor for the fragile state of the nation:

“He [Mitt] will take us to a better place just as he took me home safely from that dance.” (four score and seven years ago?)

By the end of it I felt less like she wanted us to elect her husband president, and more like she wanted us to marry him.

Thank God polygamy is illegal.

The only women I can imagine who were actually moved by Ann’s speech probably weren’t watching from home or on the Internet, but with her in the stadium. Which is unfortunate for the GOP, because this was supposed to be Ann’s big break; an opportunity to humanize her husband and most of all, connect with American women.

But times have changed, and unlike Mrs. Romney, most women can get along just fine without Mitt.