14 weird platform promises from the now-defunct Rhinoceros Party

1. Take Canada off the gold standard, opting instead to use a snow standard to boost the economy. (And then, when summer comes . . . not sure yet.)

2. Repeal the law of gravity.

3. Provide higher education by building taller schools.

4. Pave the Bay of Fundy to make more parking for the Maritimes.

5. Change Montreal’s rue Ste-Catherine into the world’s longest bowling alley.

6. Count the Thousand Islands to make sure the Americans didn’t steal any.

7. Ban crappy Canadian winters.

8. Abolish all laws to end crime.

9. Tear down the Rockies so Albertans can see the Pacific sunset.

10. Abolish lawn mowing in Outremont, Que.

11. Ban guns and butter—both kill.

12. Reform Loto-Canada, replacing cash prizes with Senate appointments.

13. Forget having two official languages; replace with having two official ears.

14. The Queen would now be seated in Buckingham, Que.