new barbie just like old barbie but 30% more attractive to charlie sheen

With sales of Barbies continuing to fall sharply, Mattel has announced it will try to compete with the ultra-popular Bratz dolls by making a more “suggestive” and modern Barbie that comes with leather mini-skirt and fishnet stockings.

What are some of the other features of the suggestive and modern Barbie?

• The anatomically accurate vagina.

• State-of-the-art mechanized insert automatically lifts halter top for boob flash.

• Each doll comes with home pregnancy kit (Ken the abortionist sold separately).

• Pull the string on her back and she says adorable phrases like “Oh my goodness, I’m running late for my job in porn!”

• Cries real tears when Sheriff forecloses on Barbie Dream Mansion.

• Special limited edition “DUI Barbie” features smeared mascara and matted hairdo for mug shot.

• Hands rendered more lifelike so index finger can fit down throat.

• Comes with three thongs, two pairs of shoes and a restraining order.

• Old friends: Nikki and Teresa. New friend: Chloe the Naked Bisexual.

• When girl who owns Barbie is asleep, Barbie slips into the girl’s brother’s room and makes out with Chewbacca.

• Hired as new cast member on coming season of The Hills.